It’s just me

I’m pretty certain that no one will ever bother reading these posts. Quite frankly, That’s the reason I’m writing them. Everyone always says not to bottle up feelings but no one really wants to listen to you whine about your insignificant problems.

I’m at the point where I feel as though I have no idea of my place in life. I do things because they’re expected of me or because it’s what every one else is doing. I’m a sheep – not in the literal sense. I always stay well within the boundaries. I stay hidden under the radar and deflect most attention. If there’s one thing I’m good at it’s being ognored. The thing is I don’t always mind. Give me a book to read or a TV show to watch and that’ll keep me occupied.

I never figured out how to be close to people. I seem to push people away. I’m fine with pleasantries and I’m not socially awkward but I never seem to belong to a group. I seem to have individual friends who have their own friendship groups. And the friendship group that I’m in, I don’t seem to have the closer friend in that group.

I always wonder if I’ll ever get anywhere- whether I’ll ever be important is what I’m trying to say. I’m the girl that people assume jut gets on with her life. Never part of the drama , but also rarely part of the fun.

I know I have confidence issues , which 18 year old girl doesn’t. I call myself a girl but I seem to be a lot more serious than other girls my age. I know how to have a laugh and joke around but I am definitely the serious one. I hate taking certain risks – calculating the consequences and whether things are worth it. Even so, I seem to make the worst decision. That being said things seem to work out for me somehow. So now I seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wondering when my good streak will come to end.